Number 3: Do not ever think of going to therapy with them.
I can categorically tell you that there is no therapy out there, no counselor out there, that can change your narcissistic partner, your narcissistic parent. No family intervention has been created so far that can effectively change the dynamics. There are only two possibilities: one, either the therapist will unknowingly or knowingly sometimes become an enabler, and they’ll be used through triangulation, or they will call out the narcissist, which will irritate them, and they will walk out on them.
They will just leave in pure agony and anguish. Going to therapy with a narcissist is like going to a torture chamber because you will be astonished by the act they will perform, by the mask they’ll put on. They will either become the victim of their circumstances and paint you as the perpetrator, or they will get the worst form of reaction out of you to justify how you are the abuser and all issues lie within you.
Number 4: Do not believe their hopeless hope.
Narcissists are known for creating scenarios that make you think there is potential, but that potential remains unmanifested. That never becomes your reality. So, don’t think about what you can be with them, be it your narcissistic partner or parent. Focus on what you are with them because that is what matters. And what you are with them is constant; it does not change. What changes in your condition? Think about who you were before meeting them and how miserable you have become now after staying for such a long time in this relationship.
Think about all the pain that you have been through and think about all the ways it has destroyed your life. That is the constant change happening. Remember, a person’s words mean nothing until they match their actions. Always try to find the incongruencies, and quite surprisingly, you will notice that a narcissist is nothing but a living, breathing incongruency. What does that mean? That simply means who they act to be, who they try to become, does not match who they are.
What they say is just words; it’s like they put you in a trance by taking you somewhere, by transporting you into a possible future that you can have with them, and that gives you hope that maybe it is just their imagination that they are transporting into your head. Don’t make it your reality. See them for who they are, not who they pretend to be.
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